Episode 293 - Session 1 Framing the Gender & LGBTQIA Conversation - OCEAN Homeschool Conference, Albany, OR - June 2022

Episode 293 - Session 1 Framing the Gender & LGBTQIA Conversation - OCEAN Homeschool Conference, Albany, OR - June 2022

 

Episode 293's video Link: https://youtu.be/o1Fmex7o6fU  

 

https://www.oceanetwork.org/ 

 

Welcome to HealingLives with Corey Gilbert, a podcast sponsored by the HealingLives Center, discover how to love and lead your family well and biblically God created sex marriage and the family for our stewardship growth and benefit my heart and passion is to teach, train, educate and disciple christians that want strong marriages and families. The Healing Lives Center has been serving Christians since the year 2000. Its mission is to be a center for sex, trauma and marriage education and transformation, where we offer counseling, coaching courses and speaking services to you, your church or ministry check us out at HealingLives.com today

 

I invite you to listen in on session one from the ocean homeschool conference um delivered in Albany Oregon in june 2022. This one's entitled framing the gender and L G B T Q I a conversation, Thank you thank you. So this QR code here is the same one on those cards. It's gonna be a link to the power points and the videos of this um, everything today. So if you want to even just take that and you can also sign up that way too. So it's either way, hopefully that's helpful for you. Um let's pray to start this really important topic. Dear God, thank you so much for who you are and that you actually called us to be men and women that honor you learn. I just pray for this next hour. We will honor you with everything said and done and I just pray that each of us as parents and our families and our kiddos can learn to honor you with when it comes to their sexuality, their gender who you call them to be blessed this time as you pray. Amen. Alright. So yes, we're gonna talk about sex, that's part of it. But what I'm gonna start with when it comes to this topic is my story. I'm gonna start with kind of where I went where I was and where I come from just a little bit as we enter this topic. But the beginning thing that I want us to think about going into a very difficult topic right here. The people of faith christians who are navigating gender identity issues are our people, they're not some other people, they're not them or those, it's our people, we need to be careful with how we talk about this. So I'm gonna attempt to do the same today as we kind of talked about it. Very difficult subject now. Who am I? I grew up in chile missionary kid um grew up in as a in the Chilean schools. But I was an interesting young man, let's just say um let me show you a few pictures which will help you kind of see where that comes from. Um this is me when we came back to United States in 1992. Um I want a mission trip and someone said to me a missionary said to me, you know what you grew up in a country where you're a redhead white guy stood out like a sore thumb and you came to America and you're a nobody, you did everything you could to stand out and did a really good job of it. I love my pink suit coat and my purple coat and anything I could, my mullet. Um, those are awesome if you need to come back. But and then I even, I wanted my freedom. I came to America and it's like you have to have mommy take you everywhere. And so I bought a motorcycle, didn't even know how to write one. Um, I wanted my freedom. My mom had to take me to Mcdonald's which is where I worked. I hated that. So 18 and I still can't go on my own. So that became my story. What scares me is, where would I be today with what I was actually going through internally Because I had questions about who I was, my identity and one of the key areas was, I wasn't like all the other guys. I didn't like the stuff that guys liked. I didn't talk about politics, couldn't stand sports. There's only one sport in South America, which is soccer. So I played that and after 15 casts I decided I was being called elsewhere when I became a musician and got into music. But then I went to college and found out he had talent. So my junior, so much passion. My junior year, my professor sat me down and said you're not graduating. Um you need to find a new major and my life fell apart And got rebuilt as I took 11 elected city council in class and I realized that as a young man, I watched people some key missionaries. I loved have affairs and be kicked off the field and destroyed. I can understand it. And it led to the journey of where I am today and what I've done for the last 22 years which is really neat to see how God does. That's why I love teaching at university and helping guide because I don't know where you're gonna go. And they didn't know that for me, but they helped at least point me in the direction. Um to figure out who I am, which then became get a real, real bike. Um Yeah, and it's loud and that's the whole point. It's supposed to be. I know I need the mole is my wife. I think vito's that one half the time. Maybe my son will get there. He's got long hair now. But the best part of where I finally started making sense was here the best day of my life. I met this weird, crazy woman that didn't think like other women, she's from the legal field and she's got a brain that's got the boxes, the whole spaghetti and waffles. I have the spaghetti, my brains all, I'm a mess. I mean emotional, I tried everything. They still laugh at me when we watch cards because I cried at the end and my wife just points and laughs and now the kids, what do they do? Point and laugh And it's shaped it shaped me. It worries me about where I would be today if I was a teenager today in our country and our society and our school system, I believe they'll be pushing me to do things that are life altering, if not forever altering. Because I did have a question, I didn't fit in. I didn't make sense. This is our school, our picture for our church directory to do this. And as well, this is a couple years after we moved to Oregon and then they grow up. I don't know if you notice that they do grow up and that little guy blaze on the far side is taller than me now and they have their weird personalities by the way. These are called my experiments yourself. These are our experiments. Mhm Yeah, he's got the main right there. What we do with our kids. I am not an outdoorsy person and for some reason my dad was, he's a boy scout and didn't do that with me. And now I do that. I'm in my 10th 11th year with my son's doing Boy Scouts going and doing stuff I never would have chosen. I like to go, let's go inside, let's play dolls duty. And God gave me two sons that has led me into a very different story by choice. And I would even say by God's ordination, their divine intervention, if you will. Today, we're gonna talk about a very difficult subject, but I wanna talk about it in kind of three pieces. We're gonna look at the created order and then when they get disordered. And what about you? What about me? What about myself in this context, in this world, with these people around us that are struggling that are truly asking hard questions. So starting with this creative order, where do we wanna land? We're gonna start, we want to start with scripture. So, a big part of what I want to do today is kinda lay that framework, the groundwork. Um I go into further depth on this and on my Youtube channel, have a podcast. Um I've got books and all that goes further depth. Can't do that obviously in an hour, but today, I felt like the most important thing for us to start with the scripture. So, let's look at that beginning, in the very beginning of genesis, starting with man. So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God, He created them male and female. He created them. This is the foundation. And one of things that I really like about this foundation is there's this area that we have a question about sometimes and it's actually this area of work, where does it fit in the, in this story of the story line. It's not a curse after the fall it was actually part of the garden were called to work. What baffles me is Adam walked the garden in perfect harmony and community with christ with God and still was missing something. He worked works not a curse. We need to make sure kids understand that too even though they act like that. So Lord God took the man and put him in the garden to work it and take care of it. And then he did something really really curious. So Lord God said it's not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. What did he do to get to this point? It's a really cool step. He said you know what Adam I'm gonna have you name all the animals. So you can be reminded that none of them are like you even though all of our researchers today seem to compare this to every animal under the sun. No and I can't imagine day after day naming these animals and how long that might have taken going God, none of these are like me. And then when it was like whoa man beautiful and he created Eve a man said this is now bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman. What an incredible design. There is a perfect design. But then he took it a step further. He created marriage. That's why a man leaves his father and mother and is united. His wife and they become one flesh. This is the beginning of this marriage is not a social construction as we like to hear or don't like to hear our culture talk about. And the most important piece is it's too sexually different people. There is no other design. All other designs fall flat. They don't work, they don't bring the two parts. They're supposed to be brought together to make a baby which is part of the design. If you will. Adam and his wife were both naked and they felt no shame. What's sad to me is we feel shame. We know shame even in marriage there's still shame and that breaks my heart because it isn't the created order as God actually intended for it to be. And then he took it another step further. He goes this is how we're going to babies. Procreation Children in the world in the context of marriage. But where did this all fall apart? Well we know the word where does disorder enter it. It came through sin. This is where things got scary hairy if you will Where they look like Genesis three. We like to blame by the way. So when the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye and also desirable for gaining wisdom. She took some innate. It just gave some to her husband who was with her. That's a very important point and he ate it and the eyes of both of them were open and they ran to Kmart. Um I found close. But it's so crazy think about this. The first thing that happens after this is blame the man said the woman you put here with me, she gave me some fruit from the tree and I ate it. And this is where everything falls apart and there's two fails. Helper fail. Eve what happened to the woman? He said, I will make you pains and childbearing very severe with painful labor. You will give birth to Children. Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you. That's her consequence if you will from this sin. And then leadership failed for Adam. He was the one that had been told what to do and what not to do. And he was present and he did not step up to the kind of man that he was actually meant to be. And so the academy said, because you listen to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded. You must not eat from it, cursed is the ground, you will work, You will toil the land. So what is the final piece of this? There's two big pieces. If the man will struggle with and return to the earth and then to for the woman, the woman will have pain and childbirth and struggle with man. Her desire will be to rule over him. There's an order and its disorder when it comes to the consequences. So then what do we do with this? You, you and me? Well, you and I struggle and stress about some key areas in our life? What are the areas that I spent a lot of time talking about? Is gender and sexuality. In an area that we wrestle with? What does it mean? Some of the foundational verses to think about. You were created in my innermost being. You were knit together in my mother's womb. How appropriate. In our current debate and conversation right now, I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful. I know that full well. And what are we to do? This is a scary assignment to every single one of us who you are to put to death, therefore whatever belongs to your earthly nature, sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. We here's our assignment already. You and I have things inside of us that are not God's perfect design. We must put it to death. So we now have to kind of outline that. What does that mean? What are those things? We actually have to take care of one of those areas that I hear a lot is this idea of attraction and desires whatever you're attracted to or whoever you're attracted to is now your definition of who you are. And it's like that's sad to me because actually, the phrase I use is that bad data, attraction into conversation, attraction doesn't keep a marriage relationship going. Which is why we see a lot of people attracted and then re attracted and then re attract. It's a serial monogamy, if you will. But it's not it doesn't continue long term. It's not the way it's meant to be. And we have put so much weight on attraction. It's scary when you follow the desires of the sinful nature. The results are very clear. This is what we're getting for. Many of our Children were getting. This is what some of us have received sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling jealousy, outbursts of anger. And it's on and on. And what's scary is these lists by the way the list in scripture think of them this way they're not exhaustive. So they take every one of us out, we like to focus in on the maybe the homosexuality piece or some of the fact no, every single one of us fails. It's the that's the point. It's not meant to be some exhaustive list. And our attractions and desires, I believe are bad data. They're important information, but they don't, again, they don't sustain. But the holy spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control, there is no law against the this is who we're meant to be the design? If we're not that we're not who we're supposed to be. And if you think of our current world right now, this is where we're falling apart. We're not who we're supposed to be in our marriage with our kids. I'm sure you've had maybe moments in the last day and a half of lack of patients with your kids just saying, and it reveals right there our need for a savior. I need for the cross. For those who belong to christ jesus, have nailed the passions and desires of their simple nature of the cross and crucify them there. That is our command. So, we think of our desires and our identity. A lot of what we're dealing with right now is we're actually not nailing them to the cross. Were actually labeling them as our identity, who I am. That should scare us right there. What is it we are self sad event. I believe that there's no way a single friendship or relationship, let alone a marriage can work Why you all think you're right? And so do I. So what does marriage take a relationship? It takes me actually laying aside my right to be right and actually listening to you and being in a relationship with you. It's dying to self in so many ways that we don't think of it that way. The only way a relationship works when I stopped taking myself so seriously. where's our culture, the exact opposite? Take yourself so seriously that you must force others to to what pronouns call you things names, Identity endorse If you don't love me, we've actually hijacked love because love, by the way, is not any of those things, Love is actually calling you to a higher place, higher level of higher standard. Now, you may have seen this for some of you. If you haven't seen this, it's gonna be important to think through. It. Might be might be too short here to understand it or think through it right now. You can come back to this some other time. But there's this explanation of who we are that's been put together, which is really helpful or maybe not the gender red person. It takes what is typically quite simple. It makes it really complicated. You're not just your gender, you are because that gender word has been hijacked as well. You are your identity, your attraction, your sex and your expression. There's all sorts of different parts of who you are. And when you start parsing that out, it's like, okay, like what I said about myself, I was I'm male. I know I'm male, but my expression of that was very different. I didn't understand that, What have we done. We've actually turned that into identity versus personality versus part of just who I am, The zeroing out here on the identity expression and sex many of us, especially parents, older parents, your body's just like blown going why is it so complicated? We've made this complicated because it fits the narrative where we're going to help you understand that you may feel this way and because you feel this way that is who you are and therefore you need to run with it. And if you don't run with it, there's a consequence. Another key area is this one right here, are you sexually attracted to or romantically attracted to? What are those things that define me sexually attracted to? Almost call that more animalistic just cause I'm sexually attracted to someone or something or some screen or some magazine, I guess that's old school now, but versus romantically attracted to a desire to build a relationship with, which by the way, even romantically is kind of because even that doesn't sustain it has a shelf life as all of us can say if you're married, whatever started it off didn't keep it going. I had to find new skill. I have this hopeless romantic and I married a very non romantic human being. Everything I knew I could could try to do, she doesn't work with her. It's like, okay, what what's God's sense of humor in that? It makes me work harder, very frustrating. I think that's part of God's design is really cool now we have from this and part of this and the storyline here of this is we have these letters L. G. B. T. Q I A Plus and this is growing actually lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender. And there's a push against those first three against the transgender because that's going too far. And then Q can be questioning or queer intersects a sexual except first of all marriages between two sexually different people period. There is no other combination. We're looking at God's word that's, there isn't anything else. But what about this idea of sexual identity and attractions? Because this is where we're spending a lot of time and energy is. But what I'm attracted to or who I'm attracted to define me, how I call myself my identity, which actually, if I really think about this deeply and my identity, I'd be in christ what I actually find, even when I talk to college students oftentimes they can't define that I talk to adults, They can't, what does it mean to have my identity in christ be a carpenter and we know, So that's an important one Now. This t take out that t right now transgender, we have a lot of questions about what's going on in our culture. It comes to the transgender ideology movement, so many that are hurting in my work in my life, my career. Um to me this is one of those areas where we must spend more time learning and understanding what research says, which by the way, a lot of research is quite new and it's all over the map. And you basically look at who funded the research and you can kind of guess where it came from in terms of the results. It's really scary, just like we're asking questions. Can a man and a man and a woman, a woman raised Children together? Yes, they can. Single parents have been doing it a long time to, but what's the design husband and a wife and Children? One of these we tell our single moms that come to our boy scout troop is your son is so welcome here. We want to be men in your son's life and you're not welcome because it's just dad's going on the camp outs and the bones are like, thank you because it's community. And I'm also there for another reason because I want my sons to have other dads because I'm done dad and they'll be jealous at times that I'm talking to one of the other boys because they wanted my attention. And it's like how do you build community? A lot of reasons why you and I have created a community when it comes to homeschooling and if you're not involved in a co op, find go up, get involved in a group with another group of people that you need that just as a support system and by the way, they're off law, do they all have their stories? They all have their journeys. But this piece of this right here. There's a tool that I use to help understand how did we get here in terms of defining ourselves, that's really been helpful for me. I use with clients a lot. It's this one right here. These are six things that actually influence who I am and what makes me who I am from your values to your behaviors, to your biological sex, to your activities. I know many young men and young women who really didn't have a struggle with their identity or sexual identity until they were assaulted or until they were in a situation where they had a oral sex experience the same sex and all of a sudden there like I don't know what to think about that and now they're different. Just your curiosity. Thanks to what's your name? Katy Perry. I mean all our culture. Um young young ladies that I've talked to are like, you know what I've been with a guy but I haven't tried the other side yet. I'll try that. Then I'll tell you who I am. That's what being pushed in our culture right now. What I'm hearing from teenagers is gay, lesbian, bisexual. That's so old school should scare us. Trans is the new in thing cool thing. Why? Because you're now in a really separate group and what is our, what are we looking for in that age? What did you and I look for in that age identity to belong to be seen. There's another one up there to be seen to be known and to belong. That's what we want in our teens, our kids are struggling to figure that out. But when it comes to these pieces, if you think of your values and your faith in christ and that value piece is so big, it influences how I make decisions. There's a current debate and conversation even about can I call myself a gay christian and I love this and I think it's really important because there are many that are saying absolutely yes, this is who I am, but I choose to be celebrating this is and others are going, no, you can't call yourself that because by calling yourself that that's your new idol and you're denouncing christ? It's really complicated. This is also why we can't, I can't get up there and just tell you, here's all the answers. It's let's talk one on one. Let's actually talk through some of this stuff because it's really complicated and different families land in different places. How do you love your son or daughter who is struggling. I bet you if we talk to anyone here or friends that are wrestling through that, they've all landed in different places on how to do that. We're good at judging. So be careful with that. How do I how do I draw them to the cross now? One of the things that's changed for me has been, I absolutely have believed that if your son or daughter is struggling, you do everything you can to keep them in a relationship and call them whatever you wanna call them, that they want to be called to keep the relationship long term. What we've actually started seeing is those that are de transitioning, which by the way, are so many are actually coming back to moms and dads are going, why did you partner was a lie just to try to make me happy. The data shows that actually if you don't help your child who says they're another gender transition, their their suicide rate goes up Actually. The data also shows that if they transition within the next 4-6 years, the suicide rate goes up. Don't let your child hold you hostage because that's actually not loving them. We think it is in the moment The other day I was skiing with my a few months ago, skiing with my daughter her first time out there. I felt like a bad parent, why she's in tears. My beautiful 11 year old because this ski boots her and it's cold and I don't like this and I'm not getting it and I just felt like a bad dad by pushing her and kind of being a little mean, almost crying a couple of times myself trying. We went, she went back to mom, I went back to the boys and had a blast and it was getting dark okay last try. Got her out there and she's crying and she's struggling and all of a sudden she's going and she's proud? And she went over and over and over and over. She said she was going to go twice. It's like into the night in the dark. I didn't feel like a bad dad at that point, but I did in the moment. Why? Because you and I are programmed to love our Children. And if you're not careful, that means give them whatever they want, make them happy. That's not it. It's not this this is not it. Think about this right here. Sex is my right. This is a belief system that a lot of people have right now. But let's read this part right here. It's actually scary. This is the foundation of what's gonna come next, proponents of this view conclude that this authority is that of their own experience or intuition, their own sense of inner rightness. Just pause there and think about you. You've met you your own sense of inner rightness. Have you ever wanted things that you know, are bad for you? Maybe the coffee in your hand. Have you ever wanted a person that attracted some of you by the way dating? You don't need to have the choice of who you date because you have a bad radar. You attract the wrong kind of people, you need a committee that it runs through. But this gets worse. So the foundation is your own sense of inter rightness, which already scares me for myself. I don't want that. God, can you just put the strings on and make me be a puppet and do what you want me to do is what I want to say? And God goes, no, I love you so much. You have your you have free will, which is scary. I don't like it sometimes. So this proponent of this says God has made me and therefore made the desires I have. Um it gets worse to everything. God makes is good and therefore my desires are good and the guitars, good desires deserve to be and even ought to be fulfilled. Every single one of us has a theology, a belief system and we hang onto that belief system because the problem here is every single one of these points are false. The premise is false, which makes the whole conversation kind of irrelevant ironically. There are some really important books that we read in the last few years about gay marriage and about homosexuality, about this conversation that start off on premises that are actually downright unbiblical, which means the whole findings of this. These these resources are pointless. It's important to be careful what we're bringing in what is happening in our culture and our with our kids. We used to have this word tolerance. Remember that word a long, long time ago. That's so cool. It's gone way past that word tolerance. It's gone from tolerance to acceptance from acceptance to celebration and celebration to participation. What month is this? Pride Month, I dare you go to the month of or go to go to the bible app, type in pride and just read the verses. They all condemn us except to say you should be proud of who your savior is, you should be proud of what he's done for you, not who you want to go get in bed with or any other stuff that makes me scared. Actually, how even that word has been hijacked. I almost feel bad. So I was saying I'm proud of you to my students or to my kids because this word has been abused. That's where we're at. Preston Sprinkle has his quote here. He says, we need to create safe spaces, which I don't like that phrase, but I understand it where young people can open up, be heard, receive Godly wisdom and learn about God's expansive vision for what it means to be male and female. Key Frasier receive Godly wisdom. That's not what's happening. The teenagers that I talked to are receiving more information and teaching and indoctrination, if you will through Tiktok through online games, through online chat rooms, through discord channels, through those places in your own living room, in your, in their bedroom sometimes, but in your own houses as if you've actually invited all those people into your living room for a party and said here, teach my child and then they wonder where did I go wrong? Where did I miss it? How did my child dot dot dot dot dot. It's scary. What's happening? Because people of faith who are navigating generated issues are people, these are our sons or daughters or sisters or brothers. Some of their moms and dads who are really wrestling. They're asking hard questions. They're trying to figure out this really difficult conversation about what does it mean to be mean? Which by the way, it's interesting to think about if you haven't seen that, what is a woman documentary? It's so good. Jordan Peterson made a very simple comment that just was like, yes, thank you. He's like, this identity question is not about identity. It's what's your personality? It's that simple. We've, it's been turned into gender identity has to phrase most of us have here here. They don't hear personality. You know, we all have a personality. You were born male or female and you have a personality and how you play that out to be very different than someone else. I'm not gonna be this athletic person and be this kind of jock personality. That might be my stereotype of masculinity. Um, but someone else might be. Now, let me make this a little messier. Mhm. You heard of what that is matt. The next letters that are gonna have to be added Okay, minor attracted persons. And it's been very carefully labeled, it's not a woman or a man. We've got persons minor attracted. This has been coming for two or three years I've been talking about for about four or five years where pedophilia is going to be normalized. Still not okay. But it's slow progression as we continue. I have students at Corbin that when they get engaged, if they're from Portland, their friends disown them, why would you ever settle for just one person? Why is this is the north was polyamory is three or more people. It's a husband and wife that are married where she has a girlfriend on the side. But it's all okay. It's the open marriage. It's four or 56 people that live in a house. They're not all sexually involved. But there's this weird combination of this. Um go, this is dangerous. I do go to Youtube and type in polyamory testimonies. I have never heard of testimony from their own words. In their own, in their words that said this work in their own testimony. They show how this does not work. But we're trying to find the next cool thing the way I can be happy and we're not finding it. They're not finding it serial monogamy might be that that may be what we're settling for. I might stay faithful to one person, but it's one after the other. Not God's perfect design. When I said a minute ago online peers where I've been seeing the biggest downfall when it comes to our kids in discord channels in different places. What is it, what else is influencing our Children when it comes to some of these um just questions they have, but also how they're actually going forward in life. So these, what's stunning their growth. These are really important. These are based off research. Um, and yet they give us an assignment in the sense as to how to protect our kids, how to prepare them and how to um, eventually, supposedly launch them, which I think should be the goal that you go and make disciples. Yes, go um, excessive video game play is one of them. It's not video games, its excessive video game play. It's when I will choose my video games over a real person, it's when that world is more important to me than real people. But this is where we're losing so many of our young men, usually for young women as well. Not surprisingly porn, more young men in their 20's has ever had erectile dysfunction than ever before. The young man I talked to, they they meet this girl, they get married, they're so excited to be married. And then I get a call a week or two later and it's like he doesn't work because he's been looking at porn that's so graphic that they can't actually perform in marriage if you will. It's heartbreaking, pornography is destroying our young people, destroying marriages, destroying adults. This is getting every level of society and has normalized a couple of states have actually seen it as a health crisis outlawed it. Seeing it as an actual problem secular, which should tell us something, but we obviously don't listen absent fathers. This isn't just dads that are gone, this is dad's, that could be there, but they're not there. They're absolute human, an absolute influence the role of the father. We do a great job of emphasizing mothers, We do Mother's day with father's, you stink. Like we need to be careful of fathers play one of the most critical roles. James Dobson actually mentions that about 888 at 18 months That child switches away from mom to dad in terms of what he's looking at boys and girls. So when our kids hit 18 months, my wife was like, all right, I'm done not so fast. Um, but absent fathers, you think of those who have gone into schools and shut up. It's been predominantly boys that actually have an absent father situation. Um, video games are a big influence, porn is a big influence. Um, many actually, I think all the one have been involved in the in cell group, you know, the N. S. L. I N C E L involuntary celibate. So they're mad at the world because they're a virgin and they believe the world owes them a girl. So there's just this anger and violence inside that then comes out and it's a growing group um, across the world, across America some more that are influencing us is irresponsibility. if your kids are chores. Hello, they have to work to live there. They need to work, they need to learn that work is a good thing. Um, we have it where it's basically here the basic stuff just to live here and then here we tried the whole like chart on the wall and you can earn money and they just don't do it like, so you don't have money. It's kind of simple but no allowance thing kind of the Dave Ramsey commission mentality. Um, and then now it's been to see our old is getting a job and actually making real money and okay, you have to pay insurance and tires and it's kind of fun. I know Welcome to the real world which leads to how skill listening this. There's a Youtube channel that dad created. It's basically like here's how to fix things. Why? Because how many of us didn't learn this from our dads, how important it is that we actually know how to do some basic things like fix the faucet. So we need to be, this is the area that's actually in decline in our country in terms of what you know, is it micro is pushing about the trades, We need people that have skills and the one that's absolutely destroying our girls for sure. Social media, the book coddling of the american mind great research basically the, the author said I would not trust my teenager with the smartphone unless I would trust them with a pistol first, which one is more dangerous. The smartphone, but he wasn't talking about the smartphone just as it is steve jobs was excited to create a device that had a camera and music and phone. He would be appalled as to what has become where it's a device created to keep you there. If you post on facebook and it links on facebook, they hide that stuff. Why they want to keep you scrolling, They want to keep you lost. They want to keep you and what are we seeing? We're losing girls, especially from comparison instagram and other places. We're losing boys more from games and lack of just responsibility. This is this is horrifying. So what do I need to do? What is my call in this? Almost insanity if you will where we're out it's actually not a word you probably think of. It's actually surrendered a lot of what's happening in our cultures. Were fighting for my right for this and fighting from a right for that and fighting to be heard. And it's the opposite of what relationships are all about relationships are about me giving up that and actually it's about service. What do our friends need from us, us to serve them to love them to listen to them to be a friend, not agree with what they say, not we actually have determined as loving is not actually loving, lying to a person is not loving them walking alongside saying, you know, I disagree. But man do I love you? That's way more biblical, if you will. And so how do I live with others from a different world view? Well, let me go straight to scripture for that really, really important assignment for us. How do I love second timothy to flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, Faith, love and peace along with those who call on the Lord to a Lord out of a pure heart. Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments. There's a part of your assignment right there. Stop posting on facebook and acting like uh can't say that word. Um because you know, they produce quarrels. That's not what we're called to do. Fight pick fights And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome, but must be kind to everyone able to teach. Not resentful able to teach by the way it means, you know, the scripture and you know truth. That's another place that many of us need to start opponents must be gently instructed, which by the way. Oftentimes they're not receptive. So you have to wait. You might have to be waiting a long time to in the hope that God will grant them repentance, leading them to knowledge of the truth. God, not you you don't convert people. God does it and that they will come to their senses. It's a good way to put it and escape from the trap of the devil who has taken them captive to do his will. I believe what's going on in our culture is satanic. The assault on our Children is satanic and it breaks my heart because there are so many that are now later going, I was duped and please don't fall for this. I believe there are people that are involved, medical doctors, counselors, teachers that are going to be held accountable for what they're doing in this science experiment with Children. It was sad to me as I talked to the parents, you go, I don't know what to do, I've lost my child and yes, you have and you pray and you spend time on your knees and you wait for their life to fall to pieces because by the way, if your child goes and chops the rest off and cuts things off and takes hormones and no matter what they do to their body, God still looks at them the same so they can go all the way the goal is that by the time they, before they die they surrender their lives to christ that's the goal you and I get focused as a homeschool parent on teaching them stuff. My family makes me feel dumb when I look at our rooms full of latin, it's like I just feel anyway, the timeline goodness gracious and classic conversations. It's like, I just don't know history at all and the kids can just pull it out of anywhere, It's so cool, more important than any of that is their faith, but they know christ that they actually want to live for him, not because you want them to live for him, which scares me for my own kids, my kids have to make their own decision, I can't make them. And that's scary as a parent, therefore, as God's chosen people Holy and dearly loved, clothe yourself, compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. This is who we're supposed to be, who were called to be. You see men and women that actually honor him by being someone that's actually willing to be that safe place. And again, I don't like that phrase. We all should be a safe place, but safe place has been hijacked as well and turned into a place where certain things cannot ever be talked about in the sense as in they talked about but there's never actual conversation, actually dialogue back and forth debate. So may you be a place where you are debating, but you're debating from scripture from God's work carefully gently Now think of this model. The last thing I wanted to kind of lay out here was this model how we do church, how we do um draw someone in who may not actually be a believer. And it's this one right here, we have this model of behavior first, I want you to grow up, step you know, face who you are, then you can believe and then you can become a part of us. What if it was actually a different story? What if it was actually come be a part of us in the process of being a part of us. You come to faith in christ and you become, that's who we actually need to be, our churches, our homes, our families, We don't need to protect our kids from the world in a sense, we are choosing to, in some ways we need to prepare them for what's actually in our world when it comes to gender and identity and questions. Um, they need to know how to pay bills. They need to know how there's so many other areas we need to talk about. This is the area I talk about. Um, these, I wrote this book for parents. Um, I can't say that. And what it was was me realizing I didn't have this. My wife didn't have this, we didn't have this. How do you go beyond the talk? How do you talk about these topics from, from a biblical worldview And it has a workbook that goes with it. But then I was like, okay, great. What I'm seeing here at this homeschool conference, I'm out there at the table and I see family after family walked by and I know what they're thinking my kids not Latina, I don't need to worry about this yet. It's like, no, this is written for the zero and one and two and three year old and four year old and a five year old year old, seven year old and not 890 and 10. You're almost done. We're gonna have a session at 2:00 about that at 10. Your parenting is done by seven by the way. They're who they are is set in stone. Your personality. I had a mom recently actually say this. She said, I wish I hadn't listened to other moms who said just enjoy these young kids age because now she's got teenagers that are out of control and she doesn't know what to do. She didn't plant seeds when they were younger and listening at that age, she's trying to set rules as to their team and their new for them. So then I wrote this one going beyond the top. This is the one for the parents and I can't do this here and you hand this to them and actually have them talk through the read through this themselves. And it's got a workbook at the back of each chapter. And my favorite review of this was a teenager, an 18 year old who said, um, this didn't tell me what to believe this. Help me think through what to believe. Didn't force it down you. It's not my heart, my heart is to send you to the cross to help you not to cross. That sounds really bad too. To the cross. How do you see christ and what he's done for you and God's called you to be as a man and as a woman that he's got a perfect design for who you are and who you can become. I am a guy that um, if I chose to even still to this day, I would make choices that are different than what I do now. Everything I owned a Harley just cause that's me now. But um, my glasses, I went in and got glasses a few months ago and my wife wasn't there, which is probably a bad idea sometimes because I buy the ones that are all like colorful and years ago I had a purple tint to my lens and didn't realize that people were asking questions because that I have no clue. I just love all of that. I don't have any purple and pink shirts anymore and why? Because I realized I like that. But I also don't have to, I can make choices and civilizing, wow, I actually choose who I want to become. And so then I go to the Harley stores and see these and if you've ever been, you see the price and you go, these are often Ebay. So you learn how to get my wife, my wife's idea, find them online cheap and we're all doing that in the way that we present ourselves the cars, we drive the houses we buy, we're all creating a world that says something, your persona, same thing from the hats we wear to the glasses, to jewelry, to clothes. We're saying something. So how do we actually be intentional about that? Met this young man at a conference. He was incredible guy. The most effeminate loud, obnoxious person I've ever met. Everything he wore was very girly, had a purse, uh, sit down in L. A. So you can get a picture. Um, and we were at dinner together, him and a bunch of us business people and he was talking about his son and then his ex wife divorced and his trauma and his story and how he is gonna be whoever he wants to be. And I remember just kind of that shift, realizing this is an incredible young man who's lost, not a believer but who's trying to figure out who he wants to be is making very loud choices that from the outside people automatically judge. And when you get to know him, this guy is brilliant. He, he affords all his stuff, he has to make a lot of money. Um, and he was a really neat young man. Again, the part missing is faith in christ Well that changes clothing, Probably not. Maybe so I don't know, it's not the point. We need to be careful when we get hung up on these kind of things because our goal in terms of as parents is to plant seeds in our Children that then grow, who's gonna grow those other people. I love being a college professor where I get to talk to college students and continue the work that moms and dads have done sometimes. I'm also the first person a kid walks into my office and says, I never told anyone this, but mhm Speaking of a safe place, one of the universities I used to talk about our teach at when I got there the second year, they actually made the comment. Um well we never had gay people here until Dr Gilbert showed up. It's like that makes me so heartbreakingly sad. You were not safe to talk about any anything. And all of a sudden I'm here and we're talking about it. That's that's that's an indictment. So our families need to be a place to talk through this to talk through preparing them for the world. We live in, I love movies, you can't watch them without something in there. At least two conversations. I love tv shows, you can watch them without something. So do we just not talk about it? Do we avoid them? Each of you has to make that decision. But the goal is that we actually lead our Children well because they are going to make the decision not us, they have to make the decisions for what's next um back to this QR code. This thing is on your newspaper. There is also the same one here. This is for you. I'm gonna on here, we'll have this slideshow video and other resources there and I'll keep putting more there. This is for this conference um that helps you help serve you in fact do anything. That's been an honor. And thanks for having me today.

Thank you for tuning into the HealingLives with Corey Gilbert podcast. It has been an honor to serve if you're struggling have questions or in need. Dr Gilbert offers a free consultation for new clients, Check us out at healing lives dot com to book a call. If this has been helpful to you, please share it, leave a review and help us get the word out so that we can see lives changed marriage is transformed and more people come into our life changing relationship with jesus christ. The HealingLives Center offers online courses, programs, books intensive and other services to help you live biblically and well discover more resources on Youtube. And Dr Gilbert's Healing Marriage facebook group, the Healing Marriage.