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Discover how to love and lead your family well and biblically. A podcast hosted by Dr. Corey Gilbert featuring issues important to building healthy marriages and families from a biblical worldview. Dr. Gilbert has a heart for marriages and families that honor God and one another. He interviews other experts, those with personal stories, and even uses his own kids to model hard conversations. He Interviews real people that overcame! He is the Founder and Owner of the HealingLives Center: A Center for Sex, Trauma, & Marriage Education and Transformation. Dr. Gilbert is author of 2 books and the Creator of the Trauma to Transformed Program, the Going Beyond The Talk Program, and the Healing Marriage Community, Intensive, and Membership.
Episodes
Monday Oct 07, 2019
Monday Oct 07, 2019
Gilbert, C. (2019). I can't say that: Going beyond the talk: Equipping your children to make choices about gender and sexuality from a biblical sexual ethic.
Episode 32 - Influences & Idols
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Wednesday Oct 02, 2019
Wednesday Oct 02, 2019
Episode 31 - My 3rd Conversation with Mylie - Honoring Parents
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Monday Sep 30, 2019
Monday Sep 30, 2019
Gilbert, C. (2019). I can't say that: Going beyond the talk: Equipping your children to make choices about gender and sexuality from a biblical sexual ethic.
Bullying
Is your son or daughter a bully or being bullied?
Were you bullied as a kid, or were you a bully?
I know that these are not the only two options, but it seems like the case.
A better question to ask of ourselves is whether our son or daughter is a leader or a follower.
A follow-up question is, if they are a leader, where are they leading others — toward good or evil?
If they are a follower, are they discerning as to who they follow and what they will do? No one wants to see their child bullied and most of us hope that our child will not resort to bullying, which is an indicator of weakness and immaturity. Instead, we want to teach them to be discerning in who they follow and in how they lead others.
We should attempt to inspire our children to be defenders of the weak and voiceless, so that they will stand up for what is right, speak out against evil, and be change agents for good. Based on how our children manage social media, smartphones, and entertainment, we have a clue as to how they will handle this responsibility.
A key role we play as parents is in how we treat other people in our lives.
How do you respond when a coach doesn’t treat your child the way you think they should?
Do you become belligerent and aggressive?
Do you speak critically of other children, adults, or teachers in your child’s life, which they pick up on and then mimic your disrespectful tone and stance?
Could they pick up on your prejudice toward minorities and act on that?
Parents need to engage with their children on these topics before they become an issue. It may seem like you do not need to have this conversation, but many parents are shocked to find that the behavior of their children away from home or online is quite different from what they portray to their parents.
Do not let yourself believe that your son or daughter would never bully someone else and so never speak to them about it.
Don’t assume that your child isn’t being bullied because they don’t tell you. Be the initiator of micro-conversationsthat take place day after day, week after week, so that your beliefs have weight with them and they know they can trust you.
Social Media
Today, most of us use social media in some way. Many people, though, do NOT use this tool appropriately. It is a venue for posting lies, comparing experiences, and feeling jealousy and hatred toward themselves and others.
Social media etiquette and ethics must be taught prior to our children having access.There should be micro-conversationsabout what one ought to post, and what is questionable. They need to be taught to distinguish between what is true and what might be a lie. They need to know that it can be misused, abused, and part of illegal activity.
Many teenagers and parents do not realize that naked pictures of yourself when you are under the age of eighteen is child pornography. Period!
Both the sender and the recipient may be liable for having these pictures on their device. It is critical that our children know this beforehand so that they do not have to deal with the consequences after the fact.
It is imperative that you impress upon your children in your day-to-day conversations that anything posted online or sent via email or text, is public and can come back to haunt them in the future.
The truth of the matter is that too many kids have killed themselves over what others have posted about them in a public forum or sent to them privately via social media. Social media has become another venue that a bully uses to harass your child. Teach them while they are young to think about the persona they are portraying online in ALL they do.
Teach them to be alert for others that are being bullied and to be the young man or woman that stands up for those being harmed. Teach them to use social media as a convenient tool to communicate and to connect with friends.
It can even serve as an extension of a face to face community where friends can share funny things. Keep it light. Help them learn to be careful about what they share — both in personal matters and about hot topics. A lot of false information is available online, and if they are going to be part of that world, they need to be wise to its ways.
Smartphones
Most adults and increasing numbers of teens and children have smartphones. I wonder if parents realize the power of the device they are entrusting to their kids.The computer behind the smartphone is more powerful than ALL the computers used in 1969 to get us to the moon. Isn’t that mind boggling?
So, what are we entrusting them with besides a $500–$1000 device? We are giving our children access to everything — to the world.
I call them “porn portals.”
On a smartphone, you can open Safari, click on Google, type in “porn” or “boobs” or “sex,” click again, and you will find text-based results. At the top of the screen are two additional choices that, if chosen, will alter your child’s life forever. The choices: “images” and “videos.”
Do you truly realize the implications of what our children are carrying in their pockets?
I will be the first to say that this is NOT about keeping them from everything — and I say this as a homeschool dad! This is ALL about teaching them, training them, and permitting them to steward some choices for themselves. The earlier they are taught to do this, the greater the chance they will have a strong ETHOS as they enter adulthood.
I have seen too many families that shelter their children and are then surprised when their child is getting around filters, seeking out videos and images they shouldn’t see, and deliberately disobeying family rules. Many have not been allowed to steward small things and now that they are older and MUST be prepared to steward greater things, they are ill-prepared. The key to preparing them rests again with hundreds of micro-conversationsover the course of time.
Smartphones are not bad — they allow us to track our kids and keep in touch with them throughout the day. They allow our kids to stay connected with friends and call us if they are in need or danger. They can give a child a sense of security. They are great for taking pictures and sharing memories with friends. They are not evil — they are a tool. Alcohol is not evil either, but if they are not stewarded well, both smartphones and alcohol are dangerous.
Who is talking to your kids about smartphones the most — you, or their friends and advertisers? Let it be you!
T.V. And Movies
Stewardship is also critical when it comes to T.V. and movies because of the overwhelming choices that kids have access to. A lack of access leads many kids to seek out media elsewhere in ways that are more harmful. As you can tell, parents have a difficult task of maintaining the tension between free rein and lockdown. To do so, you must set a good example.
First, are you managing this for yourself in a way that you can confidently say, “Watch me?”
Secondly, what sort of micro-conversationsare you having about what they have already viewed?
I took my kids to see a movie recently that had a few scenes that were subtly sexual. I talked separately with each of my kids about those scenes. I was surprised by what they noticed.
My twelve-year-old son noticed the sexual and was uncomfortable.
My ten-year-old son just laughed and focused on the guy that was hit in the crotch — he is such a goofball!
My eight-year-old daughter thought the girl’s dress was beautiful.
What did your kids think about that scene in the latest movie or TV show you watched as a family?
I don’t know, I wasn’t there. They were thinking something though! Ask them. Let them tell you. Create a safe space to have those micro-conversations. Use specific scenes to highlight conversations about how someone was treated, about modesty, strength, power, friendship, and sacrifice. Use scenes to create dialogues about who they hope to be when they grow up, or what they would do if they were in that situation.
The more intentional you are about having these micro-conversationsas you are viewing various shows / movies, the more your child’s ETHOS will be crafted intentionally to look like yours. Be assertive. Be ahead of the game. Start when they are young. Any cartoon or commercial can be used as a teaching moment and an opportunity for another micro-conversation.
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Wednesday Sep 25, 2019
Wednesday Sep 25, 2019
Join me in my 2nd conversation with Mylie about a story of Talia from the Lies Little Girls Believe.
Link to Book on Amazon: https://amzn.to/3ITaePV
Monday Sep 23, 2019
Monday Sep 23, 2019
Gilbert, C. (2019). I can't say that: Going beyond the talk: Equipping your children to make choices about gender and sexuality from a biblical sexual ethic.
Intimacy Challenged
And Redefined
Consider the impact of these video clips on a viewer’s understanding and framework for what is healthy between a man and woman in marriage. This assumes that a biblical sexual ethic is vocally being taught in your home. This is not successfully accomplished with lectures and the degrading of others’ choices, but through micro-conversationsover time that lead to your son or daughter making up their mind to choose God’s design for marriage and intimacy.
Imagine how their intimacy will be affected after a few years of viewing pornography.
Imagine the impact that the constant download of video clips into their brains over the course of years will have on them if they decide to marry.
How will pornography influence their view of how they should treat their “love” and/or how they should be treated? This is HUGE!
This is why it is SO important that we become the small voice in our children’s developmental years to create a healthy framework for marriage and intimacy. They need to be able to recognize healthy touch so that they can discern abuse in all its forms. This requires that we be willing to “go there” and have thought through our own beliefs on the subject.
Is the use of pornography okay in marriage as a marriage aid? Is it okay to use sexual toys, dildos, props, sexy lingerie? Is it okay to engage in anal sex or mutual masturbation? Is it okay to “swing” with other couples? Where are the lines? Does the Bible have anything to say on this subject?
It is important to know where you stand on these issues so that you can have micro-conversationsthat guide your growing children. The Lord entrusted them to you so that you can raise them up
“in the way they should go” (Proverbs 22:6 NKJV).
Sex Over Relationship
A final aspect to consider is where pornography puts sex in comparison to relationship. Sex trumps relationship. Relationships require time, patience, managing differences, having conversations, and compromise. Sex requires almost nothing. A lonely future awaits our children if they buy into the belief that sex is “no big deal.” If you have ever watched video clips of porn or XXX movies, then you know that there is always something important missing in each encounter, despite the drama and cinematic wizardry. It is all “doing” and completely void of intimacy and relationship. This is a million miles away from God’s design. It is not about the bigger orgasm, longer foreplay, or the experience of ecstasy. Sex was meant to bring together a husband and wife to do three things — yes three things — provide pleasure, protection, and procreation.
Scripture is clear about our hearts, our minds, our eyes, and our bodies.Here are a few samples:
Job 31:1
“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman” (NLT).
Proverbs 5:18–20
“Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an immoral woman, or fondle the breasts of a promiscuous woman?” (NLT).
Proverbs 6:32
“But the man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys himself” (NLT).
Matthew 5:27–28
“You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart’” (NLT).
Matthew 6:22–23
“Your eye is like a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is filled with light. But when your eye is unhealthy, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!” (NLT).
Romans 13:13–14
“Because we belong to the day, we must live decent lives for all to see. Don’t participate in the darkness of wild parties and drunkenness, or in sexual promiscuity and immoral living, or in quarreling and jealousy. Instead, clothe yourself with the presence of the Lord Jesus Christ. And don’t let yourself think about ways to indulge your evil desires” (NLT).
1 Corinthians 6:18–20
“Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body” (NLT).
Colossians 3:5
“So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires. Don’t be greedy, for a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world” (NLT).
1 Thessalonians 4:3–8
“God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor—not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways. Never harm or cheat a fellow believer in this matter by violating his wife, for the Lord avenges all such sins, as we have solemnly warned you before. God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives. Therefore, anyone who refuses to live by these rules is not disobeying human teaching but is rejecting God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you” (NLT).
Hebrews 13:4
“Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery” (NLT).
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Wednesday Sep 18, 2019
Wednesday Sep 18, 2019
In this episode, Dr. Gilbert and his son Alex discuss a range of topics from the ads/album covers on Spotify, to evaluating the lyrics of a song and the pornography inside of music videos. They discuss temptation, the importance of accountability, and the importance of knowing what your children are listening to and helping them to be able to make decisions about what they should view or listen to on their own.
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Monday Sep 16, 2019
Monday Sep 16, 2019
Gilbert, C. (2019). I can't say that: Going beyond the talk: Equipping your children to make choices about gender and sexuality from a biblical sexual ethic.
In this episode, Dr. Gilbert discusses why it is imperative that parens have conversations with their children, while they are young about what is and is not okay regarding nudity, images, and video. He also discusses how to handle a conversation with your child when you realize that they have been exposed to pornography.
For many of our children, the first time they view pornography they will not see a naked picture like many of us did. They are viewing videos of gross and abusive scenes that most of us would consider horrifying. How can we limit the attraction and draw of this powerful drug? TALK ABOUT IT! Be honest regarding its impact on YOUR heart and relationships. Explain that it distorts love, intimacy, and peace. Talk about your own struggles when they are mature enough to handle it. I know that can be tricky. Be honest. Be real. Be candid.
Pornography rewires the brain for novelty. It makes the ability to settle down with one spouse and find satisfaction nearly impossible. Today’s pornography is more shocking, abusive, and disturbing than ever before. It lacks true intimacy, yet the viewer is drawn in by the skin, bodies, and freedom that many wish for.
Nudity has a place and a context biblically. It is reserved for marriage between one man and one woman. Outside of that protective relationship, nudity decreases in value, is cheapened, and erodes. Ironically, our culture sees this as freedom. It isn’t though. It is bondage.
This is why it is SO important that we become the small voice in our children’s developmental years to create a healthy framework for marriage and intimacy. They need to be able to recognize healthy touch so that they can discern abuse in all its forms. This requires that we be willing to “go there” and have thought through our own beliefs on the subject.
Order my new International Best Selling book by clicking here:
Wednesday Sep 11, 2019
Wednesday Sep 11, 2019
In this episode, Dr. Gilbert and his daughter Mylie discuss the Lies Girls Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free bible study that she has been doing with her mom and other mothers and daughters from their church. They discussed the "Girl Drama Quiz" from the book and other resources that accompany this one from Dannah Gresh and Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth.
Link to Amazon Book: https://amzn.to/3ITaePV